Below are my Fearless Predictions for 2015…

There will be no shortage of selfies but there will be a shelfie of sortages.

Neil Patrick Harris will be crowned Queen of the World.

The Celebrity Class will allow we, the Unwashed Masses, to view their great celebration of themselves and their talent for one evening this year (AKA the Oscars).

Kim Kardashian will enter a convent; the internet crashes.

Facebook will tell us 2+2 = 5 and we’ll double check with Google to see if this is true which will lead us to Wikipedia which will confirm that Facebook is reading our brains.

You will want to slap at least one of your Facebook “Friends” for posting photos of their trips to France, South Africa, Thailand, Ireland, the Bahamas and Egypt because your best trip of the year was to Chilis.

Fox News will begin a smear campaign against Barack Hussein Obama after he salutes a coffee cup while chewing gum and looking so elitist.

Justin Bieber will do something stupid in public yet the world will keep spinning on its axis.

Hugh Jackman will work out so much that his extra muscles will star in the next Marvel Comics movie franchise. They will also be able to sing and dance.

“Twerking” will be replaced by “To-Working”, a bizarre dance most of the world does daily which will confuse and offend the Celebrity Class.

There will be an app for that. Doesn’t matter what, there’ll be an app. Trust me.

The Zombie Apocalypse will come to a suburb near you but you won’t be able to tell the difference.

Aging Country and Western singers will collaborate together on a new album called “Bro Country for Old Men”.

Creationists and Evolutionists will unite against a common enemy when Barneyists claim that God is in fact a large, purple dinosaur.

The Washington Redskins will change their name to the less-offensive District of Columbia Redskins.

Near the end of the year, many poorly informed and slightly unhinged people will make predictions about 2016.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everybody!